Ha! this is typical... "Another day in the life of...The Iceberg!".

Motherfucker.

Let me explain. I started working where I work in January. The company has pretty much been on a 6-day mandatory rule. Hell, I've even been made to work 7 days a week a couple of times. Everyone, and I mean everyone, however, has had the occasional full weekend off... except me, of course. While I won't bitch about that (I'll take it as a compliment, plus, mo' money), it was with much glee that I was informed this wednesday that this would be my first weekend off.
The possibilities seemed endless: TV, movies, catching up on my internet stuff, computer stuff, shopping ("Beavis & Butthead Vol. 2" is on my to-do list on Saturday). But alas, that would have been too good.

As I left for work yesterday, I bumped into the superintendent of this here house, who with a somber tone in his voice and a grim demeanor, informed me the electrical power would be cut starting today (friday), all because the idiot owner didn't pay the bill. So, there goes my weekend. I still have a little glimmer of hope that the problem will solve itself. The fact that you're reading this is proof that power hasn't been suspended as of 12:00 noon, but if you don't see me online this weekend, now you know why. And you can join me in my hatred of the fat piece of shit who owns this house.
Imagine, 2 days sitting on my ass with no power.

It's like rain on your wedding day...

The Iceberg

Both of you who read this might have noticed I've been away... Not to worry, I'm not dead (even though there was a scare, but more on that some other time). I didn't give up because of lack of support (I've endured more han my share in my lifetime). I was just, um, busy. "Doing What?", you both might ask. And yes, there is an answer. I've been, oh, I don't know how to put it, 'giving my TV an endurance test'. Yup! Everybody's least favorite Iceberg himself has been watching Movies, TV Seasons and the FIFA World Cup. And ther are many, many more hours to spend that way.
But lest my brain melt from so much input, I will output my comments on some of the things I've watched. Not necessarily critiques, for 'critique' sounds like I should know what I'm talking about.
I know I'm just kidding myself, but please feel free to comment.

SIN CITY
As a movie based on comics, I wasn't really interested in watching this movie. I'm not really a comic book fan, and even if I were, well... we all know what comic-based movies can end up like.
But, the local Hasty Market has only so wide a selection of titles... most of which I've seen at one point or another, and the rest aren't appealing enough to me. Sin City, upon discovering it there, fell upon the latter category. Sure, everybody and their grandmother had positive reviews for it, and the internet was absolutely crazy with it, but the last time I jumped on an internet bandwagon, I ended up wasting valuable minutes of my life watching that POS, Napoleon Dynamite.
Anyhoo, I decided it was worth a shot. After all, the words JESSICA and ALBA were on the cover, and that is all I need to put down 3.50 for a movie.
For what it's worth, I hadn't enjoyed a movie so much in a long time. Sure, it's violent, sure, it has gratuitous nudity, sure, it has profanity. And while that is sometimes enough to make a good movie, Sin City also has an interesting cast, amazing effects, and the best part, a good story (or series of stories - after all, it IS based on a comic book).
If you don't mind graphic violence, the occasional pair of titties and potty-mouthedness, give it a spin. after all, if I reccomend something, it must be good!

THE OFFICE (US) - Season 1
The Office is based on a series made in the UK which I've yet to watch. But if it's any good as the american version, and it should be, It'll be worth its weight in euros.
The series is funny, and I recommend it deeply. It has its share of un-PC humour, with subjects being racism, homophobia and sexual harrassment (which I find hilarious - in a comical environment, don't get me wrong), but most of the humour comes from each character's individuality, and the relationships between the characters. A must see!

THE OFFICE (US) - Season 2
While Season 1 is only 6 episodes long, I'm only through 7 episodes of the second season and I'm still not half way through it. More funny stuff, if only lacking in continuity. As you might have noticed, as of this moment I am completely infatuated with the show.
To put it somehow: The Office is "Family Guy" in an office, without the flashbacks. And not a cartoon.

THE WORLD CUP
It must be the boring commentary (believe me, I come from the land of "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!"), but I haven't quite enjoyed this World Cup so much. The commentary here is the equivalent of watching flies fuck (or paint dry, if you're easily offended). At least my faves have done well (except for USA, but I have faith)... Mexico and England won, and Sweden didn't lose. Let's see what happens in their second matches. Well, since England plays vs Sweden, I find myself in a clusterfuck. Sorry, in a compromising position. And, I guess Poland is the first team to start packing. Well, at least they don't have to travel far.

THE STANLEY CUP
Well, Edmonton won tonight, so that's good. Just two more, guys! And, no more losing!

And, apparently I have been illuminated with the knowledge of how to add pics to this thing. So that's good news...

I guess it's back to the DVD player again... I have "16 Blocks" with Bruce Willis, and "House of Wax" with Paris Hilton! Go Hasty Market!

The Iceberg

Unless you take into account caffeine, alcohol and nicotine, I do not use drugs. It's a personal choice I've had for a long time. Plus, for medical reasons, I can't (hell, I shouldn't even be smoking, drinking or having coffee).
Having said that, I accidentally discovered a way to recreate the experience (I guess... since I've never done drugs before). As I said a couple of posts ago, I've stopped drinking my booze with soda. I switched to a healthier liquid with which to dilute my whiskey: Orange juice. At first, I thought "hey, I can get drunk and healthy at the same time!". And while that is only one of the advantages of imbibing such a concoction, I slowly but surely came upon the realization that there's a bonus.

While I've never had the urge to "get drunk", I'll be the first to admit that there's nothing like having a drink (or two) while at home after work, or just to "chill". I hardly ever get past a mumble in my speech and the urge to say stupid things via MSN or on the phone. Then I get sleepy, and off to bed I go. At least, that's what happens when I mix drinks with soda. But OJ, now there's a different concept.

It must be something in the enzymes, or fuck, I don't know what I'm talking about, I'm no scientist (no surprises there!), but after a few Whiskey & OJs, I start feeling weird. In a  good way, that is. I start feeling, um, "happy" and whatnot. A mild euphoria, I'd venture to name it. But the weirdest part is when I go to bed. As soon as sleep starts to sink in, I start having these half-dream, half-reality thoughts and quasi-hallucinations that, I must say, kick ass.

World, I give you EUPHORIA, the greatest drink in the world. Here's the recipe:

- Put ice in a glass. (Frozen water, not cocaine).
- Pour desired quantity of whiskey (I haven't tried with other spirits, but go ahead and experiment. Then report back.)
- Fill glass with 100% natural orange juice (you might want to go for the pulp-free variety).
- Drink.
- Repeat as desired.

I usually go for 30-40% whiskey, but I like my drinks strong. It's a matter of taste, really. But take it from the world's first ever 'orange juice junkie', give it a try.

DISCLAIMER
The author of this piece would like to clarify he is aware of the fact that he did not invent the combination of alcohol and natural fruit juices. He is just happy to report and share his discoveries.
The author of this piece will not be held responsible for anything printed here, and/or its consequences.
The author of this piece sees dead people.
All work and no play makes the author of this piece a dull boy.

The Iceberg

I don't know if this is indeed the funniest thing in the world, or if I'm just stupid. Or both. But man, does it have me in stitches. This kid has balls.

http://www.allfunnystuff.com/content.php?type=recent&iid=1951&cid=31

Oh, man. Must change underwear, now.

I must say, the lack of feedback, if not surprising, is disappointing. But I'm not going to cry about it. Anyway, let's get on with today's post.

Yesterday was a fun-filled series of events, and by 'fun-filled' I mean desperately weird. Let's see, there was the exploding coffee cup, a victorious battle in the neverending war between yours truly and the vending machine at work, The Mystifying Phenomenon of the Unstopping Forklift, more tattoos than meet the eye, and several self-loath-inducing rounds of pool. Oh, and the weirdest of all: How to put on weight by not drinking soda and riding a bike to work.

The Exploding Coffee Cup
A few weeks ago, they installed a new coffee machine at work. Maybe they overheard me bitch about the fact that they were overlooking a caffeine addict's most desired fix. Maybe not. But the point is, the machine, much like God (if there is one), works in mysterious ways. Suffice to say, you have to add sugar and cream to your coffee before the hot stuff pours in. So, I guess I overdid it with the cream, in which case I would've settled for a little overflow. But a few minutes later, when I peeled the lid off the cup, the coffee literally exploded. Remember that Simpsons episode when Bart April Fools Homer by shaking one of his beer cans? Just like that. Shockwave almost included.

Victory, Although Stupid, Is Mine!
Man, those wacky inventors of the turning-spiral-pushing-your-desired-merchandise-out vending machines sure knew what they were doing when they came up with their fraudulent mechanisms, that's for sure. You pop your coins in, the spiral half-assedly turns, and you, in anguish, pray unto the lord that your chips, chocolate bar or bubble gum will emerge victorious from the threshold. And just when you start preparing your vocal cords for your Victory Hymn, the thing stops, leaving you with the feeling that you just spent $1.00 for the illusion of enjoying a snack. Well, not me. As soon as my 'Bits n' Bites' were left hanging mere millimeters from their descent into my greedy hands, and upon realizing I was not in the position of arguing with the vending machine, as I was short on metallic, I did what anybody else would've done (or not)... I went on a mission to break a $10. A short while later, I stood in front of the vending machine, gave it a wild look, showed off my recently acquired toonie, and uttered the phrase "Victory shall yet be mine", in by best Stewie Griffin impersonation. I hope my boss didn't see me. Anyway, I put the coin in, press C2, and oh, sweet victory, my snack fell. But, not the other one. See, I had already paid for 2 baggies of 'Bits n' Bites', and I only had one. So, I force fed the change I got back into the machine, and upon mumbling a few random insults, I again pressed C2. To my chagrin, only 1 baggie fell out. This is where anyone with a semblance of logic would go to management to complain. But not me. I popped another toonie out, and put it in. My thirst for justice at this point wasn't going to be quenched by mere logic. By now, the battle had worn down my opponent, and it surrendered two bags of 'Bits n' Bites' to me. I accepted its defeat gracefully, and would have shaken its hand, if it had had one. It was a decent battle, after all. And as they used to say, to the victor, the spoils! So, I walked away with 600 grams of 'Bits n' Bites'. And I still have the nerve to complain about my weight...

The Mystifying Phenomenon of the Unstopping Forklift
This one is self explanatory. I drove over an oil spot, and unlike Bowser in SuperMarioKart, I didn't spin in circles. I went head on against a machine. Oopsie! At least there was no one in front of me.

More Tattoos Than Meet The Eye
I don't know if yesterday was National Tattoo Holiday, or if I just hadn't noticed, but in the 8 hour period I spent at work I discovered tattoo upon tattoo on many of the people I work with, some of which I consider my friends. Tattoos I hadn't seen before. And save the jokes, I mean arm tattoos, and a neck tattoo. No exploring necessary.

Several Self-Loath-Inducing Rounds of Pool
I'm the Michael Jordan of pool. Nuff said. Oh, sorry, let me clarify that. I suck at pool in a way that can only be surpassed by the way Michael Jordan sucked at baseball when he retired the first time from basketball. Ha, and you thought I was comparing my skills to.. ha, ha, ha. Sorry about that. Anyway, I don't play pool to compete (that would be pretty stupid). I just play to have fun with the guys, but still, I play badly. Terribly. I only won two games last night. One, when my opponent sunk the 8-ball in the wrong pocket, and one by cheating. Well, not actually cheating, it was at that point in the evening where we just said "to hell with the rules". Anyway, it was a fun way to end a thursday.

How To Put On Weight By Not Drinking Soda And Riding a Bike To Work
I don't get it. I just don't get it. A few weeks ago, I still rode the bus to work. I drank my booze with coke, Dr. Pepper or Ginger Ale. My diet consisted of sandwiches, pizza and chips. And when I weighed myself, I was just half a kilo from my ideal weight. Sure, my job was somewhat physical, but since I switched to the forklift I started riding my bike to work (which isn't exactly around the corner). I stopped drinking soda, switching to mixing my booze with orange juice, started eating healthier (?), and apart from indulging in the occasional bag of chips (or 4, like yesterday), I haven't done anything to increase my weight. Which is why I was shocked to discover I am not only not below my ideal weight, but I have gained 3 kilos. And no, it's not muscle mass from riding the bike. I'm starting to feel a little, well, fatter. And that, my friends, sucks.

The Iceberg.